Philosophers and poets
And songwriters, too
Have told stories through the ages
About what friends can do to you

Their envy and betrayal
Can drive a man to drink
Land a man in jail
That is why I think

All my best friends are behind bars
Sometimes, we take things a bit too far
I don't mean they're bad men
Please don't take it wrong when
I say all my best friends are behind bars

I've spent the better part of my dull life
Fightin' my best friends and arguin' with wives
And tryin' to convince some judge
I'm just misunderstood

Then a bartender showed me the secret to life
Was a smooth sippin whiskey and a handful of ice
And since then, it's all been downhill
Oh yeah, life is good

That's why all my best friends are behind bars
Sometimes, we take things a bit too far
But most of them are top shelf
Which makes me a little higher my own self
That's why all my best friends are behind bars

Jim and Jack, they help me through hard times
Jose and I party till sunrise
Johnny Walker helps me walk the line

That's why all my best friends are behind bars
Sometimes, we take things a bit too far
But most of them are top shelf
Which makes me a little higher my own self
That's why all my best friends are behind bars

I don't mean they're bad men
Please don't take it wrong when
I say all my best friends are behind bars