I'd like to thank everyone
I have ever slept with
This award I've won
Is really yours
You helped with my career
Eight or nine a year
To me you're the real rising British stars

I'd like to thank my seducers
And also my seduced
My producers
And the whole supporting cast
My principal photographer
That unprincipled pornographer
Without whom the whole thing would be lost

I'd like to thank everyone
I have ever slept with
It really was Cecil B De Mille
The billions of sperm
The babies unborn
You applied so much spermicide to kill

I'd like to thank everyone
I have ever slept with
Some of you are squirming out there
Hoping and praying
I won't reveal your names
Don't worry, we all know who you are

So thank you Sallie Popplewell
And Rosemary Barber
Klee Hitchens
And Annalise Sinclair
Natasha Kefalonis
Angelika Adonis
Tracey Emin
And 37 more

I'd like to thank everyone
I have ever slept with
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
And from the heart of my bottom
I know it must be rotten
To provide the raw material for art

I'd like to thank everyone
I have ever slept with
The casting directors and the fans
There's a tent in my brain
Where I've embroidered all your names
I love you
And 'je ne regrette rien'

I'd like to thank everyone
I have ever slept with
Like an elephant, I never forgot
My make-up artist Pierre
My landscape gardener
My manager, my mother, and God