I picked her up at the specified time
I was dressed to the nines,
And she looked so blind,
In a pink sequin dress,
Just a bit too tight,
And I was thinking this could be the night
At the restaurant things were in full bloom
She said she had to visit the ladies room
It may have been just a visit,
But I guess along the way,
She decided that she'd extend her stay
Did she ever come back?
No she never came back
And the waiter was laughing as I paid the check
We were going to go to the discotech
(Actually at that point, that whole discotech idea,
Was pretty much off)
On my way out, though, I chanced to see,
A girl at the bar making eyes at me
So I said to myself, so this could be good
We'll exchange smiles, phone numbers, and maybe even fluids
So I bought her a drink, and I bought her two more,
And I asked her for her number as she walked out her door
She said, "555-5555 and I live at number 55 drive"
Was it really her number?
No, it really was not,
And a is all I got,
When I tried to call it later on
How'd the date end? Badly
How'd the date end? Sadly
It was not a love connection, nosiree
How'd the date end? Terrible
How'd the date end? Unbearable
But that's not all, Chuck, as you will see
I stumbled around 'til I found another bar,
Which was good because I couldn't find my car
I ordered a scotch and I drank it down,
And I did this several times 'til I lost count
They picked me up where I'd fallen down
I was read my rights and brought downtown
I can't remember very much,
But I think it's safe to say that this date sucked
How'd the date end? Terrible
How'd the date end? Unbearable
It was the worst thing that you ever saw
How'd the date end? Horrible
How'd the date end? Deplorable
And now I've got a headache the size of Arkansas
So Chuck, I don't care who the audience picked,
I'd rather be killed with a big sharp stick
I'll stay on my own, it's my natural state,
Whether or not I have a date