Well, I fed your dog while you were on vacation
Covered all your shifts for the operation
But when you got back
You still wouldn't show me your brand new silicon boobs

So I took a walk around my neighborhood
To get you off a mind like I knew that I ought to
But when I saw a big black van run down a bird
I had to think about you

No, I'm not a quarterback
I'm not a fireman
But still I could have any girl in Japan
Cause I'm a healthy hundred and fifty nine pound
American boy

You tell a story like a broken record and
You tell a story like a broken record and
You tell a story like a broken record but
Still I ain't jealous of the fellas like you like anyway

So you took another guy on that Caribbean cruise
While I stayed home and cried in my bottle of pills
But when you got back
You didn't even have yourself a tan cause you stayed in your room

So I fed your dog while you were outta town
And I mowed your lawn while you wasn't around
But when you got back
You had the nerve to ask if I'd gone through some of you clothes

(Yeah, right!)

No, I'm not a quarterback
I'm not a fireman
But still I could have any girl in Japan
Cause I'm a healthy hundred and fifty nine pound
American boy

You tell a story like a broken record and
You tell a story like a broken record but
I tell a story like a broken record but
Still I ain't jealous of the fellas like you like anyway