My first customer was Megan
She came in for a hamburger with the lot - no meat
"Hey that's a salad roll" I said and we started going out

My second customer was Susan
she came in for Diet Pepsi morning tea
Each day and I said "You don't need to be on a diet
Do you wanna come out tonight?"

I said "I'll bring Gringo he's got a lot of money
And he'll take us to the bars where they've got a view
He'll buy us all those beers they give it to you in bottles
They put lemon in the top it don't taste too bad I'm telling you"

My third customer was Maria she came in for hot chips and sauce
"More sauce" she said I said "now you're talking"
and she took me home to meet her mother

My fourth customer was Sandy she came in for nothing I could see except me
So it was I too, was eating a hamburger of sorts within an hour

I make hamburgers I get all the girls
and I take 'em out to dinner and I give 'em all a whirl
and If they work I keep 'em If they don't I keep 'em too
But I teach 'em all how to be dirty girls like you
Words & Music: Tim Freedman
Tim Freedman: vocal, backing vocal, piano
Stevie Plunder: guitar
Andy Lewis: bass
Stuart Eadie: drums
Holden Kingswood: chamois solo