once their was this kid who
took a trip to singapore
and brought along his spray painting
when, he finally came back
he had, cane marks all over his bottom
he said that it was from
when the warden whacked it sooo hard

once their was this girl who
swore that one day she would be a figure-skating champion
and when, she finally made it
she saw, some other girl who was better
and so she hired some guy
to club her in the kneecaps

they got paid for their soundbites
and sold their tv movie rights
and then their was this guy who
made his wife so mad one night
that she cut off his wiener
and when he finally came to
he found
that mr happy was missing
he could't quite explain it
it had always just been their

ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhhhh
ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhhhh
(music goes on for about a minute then fades out)