VEGEMATIC
by Steve Goodman

Am Em Am E7 Am
Fell asleep last night with the T-V on Oh, what a dream I had
Am E E7
I dreamed I answered every single one of those late night mail order ads
Am Em Am
And four to six weeks later, much to my surprise,
Am C Am E7 Am
The mailman came to my front door, and I couldn't believe my eyes
Am E7 Am
When he brought the Vegematic, and the Pocket Fisherman too,
Am C Am
Illuminated illustrated history of life,
E E7
And Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife,
Am E7 Am
A bamboo steamer, and a Garden Weasel too,
Am C Am E7 Am
And a tie-dyed, dayglow souvenir shirt from Six Flags Over Burbank

Am E7
The doorbell rang all morning and into the afternoon
Am Em Am E7 Am
I shook with fright as it rang all night to the light of the Master Card moon
Am E7
There was Parcel Post in the pantry, and UPS in the hall,
Am C Am E7 Am
C O D's to the ceiling, and I just couldn't pay for it all
I got the egg scrambler, with a Seal-a-Meal carrying case,
A set of presidential commemorative plates
So I could eat my eggs off the President's face,
A Minute Mender, and a needle that'll knit or crochet,
And an autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin at Six Flags Over Burbank

(same chords as 2nd verse:)

I remembered I was dreaming, so I gave a mighty cheer
When I awoke, it was no joke, 'cause all that shit was here
So if you fall asleep with the TV on, let me tell you what to do:
Tear the telephone out of the wall unless you want it to happen to you
You'll get the Vegematic, and the Pocket Fisherman too,
Illuminated illustrated history of life,
And Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife,
A bamboo steamer, and a smokeless ashtray too

And an all expenses paid weekend for three at Six Flags Over Burbank