Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe
She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
and we begged her not to go
But she forgot her medication, and she
staggered out the door into the snow
When we found her Christmas morning,
at the scene of the attack,
she had hoof-prints on her forehead,
and incriminating Claus marks on her back

Now we're all so proud of grandpa,
He's been taking this so well
See him in there watching football,
drinking root beer and
playing cards with Cousin Mel
It's not Christmas without Grandma,
All the family's dressed in black
and we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts,
or send them back?
Send them back!!

Now the goose is on the table
and the pudding made of fig
and the blue and silver candles
that would just have matched
the hair on grandma's wig
I've warned all my
friends and neighbors
better watch out for yourselves,
they should never give a license
to a man who drives a sleigh
and plays with elves