Gaston: Richard White
Lefou: Jesse Corti
CHORUS

GASTON: Who does she think she is?!
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
No one says "no" to Gaston!
LEFOU: Darn right!
GASTON: Dismissed! Rejected! Publically humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear
LEFOU: More beer?
GASTON: What for? Nothing helps I'm disgraced
LEFOU: Who you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull
yourself together!

LEFOU
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston,
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston,
even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you,
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you,
and it's not very hard to see why!

No one's slick as Gaston,
no one's quick as Gaston,
no one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly,
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley,
and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS
No one's been like Gaston,
a kingpin like Gaston,
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

GASTON
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS
My, what a guy, that Gaston!

Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip hips!"
Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston,
Douses lights like Gaston,

BEERDRINKER 1
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston

THREE BLONDES
For there's no one as burly and brawny

GASTON
As you see I've got biceps to spare

LEFOU
Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny,

GASTON
That's right!
And every last inch of me's covered with hair

BEERDRINKERS
No one hits like Gaston,

OTHER BEERDRINKERS
Matches wits like Gaston,

LEFOU
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

GASTON
I'm especially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!

ALL
Ten points for Gaston!

GASTON
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
so I'm roughly the size of a barge!

ALL
No one shoots like Gaston,
Makes those beauts like Gaston

LEFOU
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

GASTON
I use antlers in all of my decorating!

GROUP of BEERDRINKERS
Say it again!

ANOTHER GROUP of BEERDRINKERS
Who's a man among men

FIRST GROUP
And let's say it once more

SECOND GROUP
Who's that hero next door?

ALL
Who's a super success?
Don't you know?
Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town,
Who's got all of it down!

LEFOU
And his name's
G-A-S-T
G-A-S-T-E
G-A-S-T-O
Oh!

ALL
Gaston