Don't kiss me quick
I'm about to be sick
All over my favorite shoes

If you pin back my tongue
With a stapling gun
It won't stop me from singing the blues

I'm as drunk as a skunk
And the national front
Have kicked me all over this bar

I'd go back to Ian's house
But Ian's house is too far
The pinch and the punch
Were for the first of the month

The slap for the rest of the year
The punch and the kick
Were for being to quick
And the rest was just for being here