Hamster #1: Did you hear that?

Hamster #2: Hey everybody, Santa's here!

Hamster #3: Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus.

Hamster #2: There is, too!

Hamsters: He's here!!!

Rivers: Ho, ho, ho...Merry Christmas!

Hamster #1: Aw shit, it's Red Peters!

Rivers: C'mon, you swinging hamsters, get over here.
We're gonna sing us a happy Christmas song.

Hamster #3: Oh no, not another corny stupid song!

Hamster #2: Yeah no way.

Rivers: Get over here and sing or I'll wring your
little necks.

Hamsters: Okay, okay

Rivers:
Grab your nuts hamsters, gather round with me.
Forget about all that teasin'.
We're breaking out the holly and aluminum tree
Cause it's that jolly season.
I know you've been naughty, but have you been nice?
That's only Santa's business
He's making his list and he's checking it twice.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!

Hamsters:
Santa comes just once a year
Just like you, Red. That's what we hear.
He's got a soft spot for reindeer.
Especially Rudolph's derierre.

Rivers:
Hey, knock it off fellas. It's a holiday.
Go on, give Santa a big kiss.
You can play "hide the hamster" on the one-horse
sleigh.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!

Rivers: Hey what happened to my lyric sheet? Anyone
seen my lyric sheet?

Hamster #1: Heck, we don't need no lyric sheets, Red.
We know our parts by heart. Right, fellas?

Hamster #3: Yeah sure, I know my part

Hamster #2: Yeah me too

Rivers: Well that's great, guys. I love Christmas
songs.

Godfried: Santa tried reaching up the neighbor's blouse
After drinking all the egg nog
Bruce: Camped out in the bathroom for an hour or two
Squashing off a yule log
Raleigh: He wandered in his undies all over the house
But we minded our own business
Hamsters: Til we caught him stuffing hamsters up a gift
wrap tube.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas

Rivers:
Santa comes just once a year.
Up the chimney he'll disappear.

Hamsters:
Keep on the lookout for Mr. Gear
Hamster deliveries in the rear

Rivers:
Gimme those lyrics
Roastnuts chestin' on an open fire
Santa's tongue stuck to the doorkno
His balls got fondled by a caroling choir
While the parson gave him a hand...what?
The sleigh came down and took him away.
The whole damn crowd was dismissed.

All:
It was a time to be jolly and a time to be gay.
Holy shit, it's Christmas.
Holy shit, it's Christmas.
Holy Shit! It's Christmas!