I'd like to find the guy
Who done me wrong
And stuck my butt up
On this Christmas tree

Who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?

Who was that man?
He shoved it up my can
And left me stranded on this Christmas tree (Yeah )

When this angel heard
Chop-ba-ba-bop, di-chop-ba-ba-bop,
A dreadful fear went right into my heart
Those pine tree needles sting me,
Ram-a-jam-a-ram-a-jammin' in my ding dong
You'll never know how much that smarts (Hooah )

So who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?

Who took that bush
And crammed it in my tush?
He made this angel beg for mercy, please (Yow )

Each night when I'm alone,
Scratchity scratchity scratchity scratchity
Scratchity scratchity shoop
It sets my tiny bottom all aglow
And every time I wiggle,
Slipty-din-de-din, slipty-din-de-din,
A little further in it goes (Ohhh/Yeah )

(Rump-ba-bump-ba-bump
Ram-a-lam-a ding dong
Slipty-din-de-din
Poopity poopity shoop )