When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along...

Kick his head, smash his face & do a bunk with his brief case Shoplifting for a lark, walk on the grass in the park In the restaurant loads o' nosh, stuff yer f...

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along...

Good morning Britain Nobody can believe what the sun's gonna be A married chap been having it off with Annie now Annie's feeling crap cause Annie's been left in...

Good morning Britain Nobody can believe what the sun's gonna be A married chap been having it off with Annie now Annie's feeling crap cause Annie's been left in...

He'll never know why he let Betty go Through the tears, he threw the years away, oh So long ago and he still needs her so Alec's back oh, but Betty's gone And ...

Out in the courtyard, cold & it's so hard Now Betty's crying, she wants to die Coz it's over, die, but she Knows that her grieving, it's not achieving What Bet...

Alfie, can see Johnny and Freddie outside the Bronx and he, will be happy with this memory CHORUS: And it's all echoes, where Alfie goes the Bronx is in his hea...

May I always listen to the anniversary waltz with you Is this just a dream come true an anniversary wish for you May this be the answer to all future years mil...

I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain To see for certain, what I thought I knew Far far away, someone was weeping But the world was sleeping, any dream will d...

T wass a tragedy but, when she spied Alfie's nut Drooping down on top of his gut She could not believe it, Audrey's sides nearly split Twas this the end of that...

When I was young my father said "Son I have something to say," And what he told me I'll never forget, until my dying day He said, "Son you are a bachelor boy An...

When I was young my father said "Son I have something to say," and what he told me I'll never forget, until my dying day He said, "Son you are a bachelor boy an...

Just like we had ffffeared, the mates we had have all dissapeared Nicky, Flip, Paul, Fat Bob and Ted, they all done a bunk & all got wed OUT WITH THE LADS FOR A...

You got me outa my head coz I'm not h, h, h, hunky you're driving me insane coz I'm not f, f, funky well it's a bare faced cheek calling me a skinny freak it's ...

You got me outa my head Coz I'm not h, h, h, hunky You're driving me insane Coz I'm not f, f, funky Well it's a bare faced cheek Calling me a skinny freak It's ...

You got me outa my head Coz I'm not h, h, h, hunky You're driving me insane Coz I'm not f, f, funky Well it's a bare faced cheek Calling me a skinny freak It's ...

Was it something that I spilt on my new continental quilt or what? Could it have been a bad dream that creptin bed & made me scream or what? What attracted such...

Jimmy's running short o' cash, the bar takings have took a crash Jimmy can't think what to do, the bills in from the local breweryyyy Oi! Jim's a nutcase round...

You tell me, I'm not good e nough for you, what can I do? shiddle iddle ay shiddle iddle oh, I got so sick I told a Vic ar her dad, I must be mad, shiddle iddle...

Well, it's a one for the money Two for the show Three to get ready Let's go, cat, go Well don't you step on my blue suede shoes You can do anything but lay off...

He tells me, we're happy, he could never guess While he's at work, she's an adulteress [Guitar Bit] She's a bored, bored housewife - in the cul-de-sac " " " -...

Bowling Barmy, oo oo She's got bowling blues Bowling socks, bowling shoes Bowling night & day Hey She waits miserably Down the bowling alley He's a bowling jun...

Carol Dodds ahooo is a girl, she was always happ ee but now it's crap for her she's met Keith, Carol Dodds ahooo's in a whirl, she thinks Keith is good, but I k...

I was feeling blue, she made me feel guilty When I took that trip to Deutscheland, Germany She said I am a man, keep out of the Reeperbahn, mind you Nick off is...

Charlie was a loafer, Charlie was a lout, huh But Charlie was the only bloke she ever cared about Each night when she's alone, Charlies there Charlie was an a...

sittin' in the hot wok takeaway every single thing has gone wrong from that day "i like english man" said she cor! i thought free chop suey? when i was sittin' ...

Who's a pretty boy then? Your girlfriend says when she's got you wearing a tie You're looking like a puff and you think I've had enough Stop and take a look at ...

easy come, easy go chenky's bent and he should know how we feel when he says to us give z a kiss, give z a kiss, give z a kiss, give z a kiss we don't spread g...

Cloughy's lads are full o' gloom, coz Cloughy's in the changin' room Why can't he nick off & leave them be? He screams & yells & just because, Cloughy knows tha...

Old Jackie's gone to sea, Jackie's gone oh Jackie's gone to sea, where will he be? when will we see? Old Jackie at home on land from sea A secret mission he's ...

davey, wakes wearing a frown, he knows that she's around he's in his dressin' gown, down & davey davey, dreams of days gone by, makes davey wanna cry he weeps a...

Davey's life has changed dramatically, now We warned him but the daft puff couldn't see Jack the Lad, but he's lost his credibility now He's took the plunge now...

"David Man, yer hav'n't finished yer tea" "It doesn't matter, I can't wait to drive my XR2" "Oh David, don't drive fast David" "See ya!" "David, DavidDAVID!" I ...

Who's a pretty boy then? Your girlfriend says when she's got you wearing a tie You're looking like a puff and you think I've had enough Stop and take a look at ...

First of all there was Ray He went with Deidrie yeh Ray Thought that he was the bee's knee But now he's left her and she's pleased And just incase you meet Deid...

Brighten up you home, it said in the advert All your decorating done by an expert How the hell was I to know he's such a dirty sod I wanted subtle shades, maybe...

Friday night is bath night this is what they say We are gonna dig the groove, we've waited all day We wear trendy trousers with belts a mile too long We are gon...

Ran over by a bus up the high street Dougy only feels a tickle in his feet The driver shouts Oi! are you alright But Dougy's on his way Dougy then has a little ...

If you're down and you're sick, And you want her out quick, But you don't know the trick what to do, She'll be laughing at you, If you don't have a clue Show th...

He's a trainspotter, hes an anorak He's a nerd, you've heard the word, a dork, a maniac He's a pratt, hes a geek, a freak, he's one o'those squarest tassers in ...

You can guess whatlife for Dougy is like, he wakes up in the street, No home, no bed, he says he's lucky, That he can smile and be happy CHORUS: Dougy, Dougy, G...

Too much nosh & too much booze He spent all night in the bog with the blues An aching head, intoxicated He didn't even know he was constipated He forced & he f...

Ooh you won't ever see me without a smiling face diddle iddle I do that's coz I go Jitterbug, jitterbug, jitterbuggin, ooh if you're feelin lonely or you're fee...

Fat Bob does not wash or scru HE'S NEVER SEEN A BATH TUB BEFORE When will Fat Bob use the sink? WE CAN'T FACE THE FAT BOB STINK NO MORE! [Chorus:] A KILLER PO...

Ah! Backsmacking! Hohooo! Have you got a bad back? I have! Well put some of this on! What is it? It's firey jack! Ah go on then! AAAAAAAAAA!! I woke up with a...

Frederick Street was on the news tonight outside Fosters club had been a fight and everytime you go to dig the beat you will hear a yelp and somebody shouting f...

Frankie says that he's got vertigo He says this everytime he leaves the pub, blotto Backaches, bellyaches, earaches & migrains Frankie's life is misery & full o...

Don't want to be Sylvester Stallone - don't push me Nev-ever gonna star in "Home Alone" Hamlet, MacBeth, I'm crazy for King Lear There's nothing more exciting t...

Don't want to be Sylvester Stallone don't push me Never never gonna star in "Home Alone" Hamlet, MacBeth, I'm crazy for King Lear There's nothing more exciting ...

He's not a thief or a burglar He never robbed a bank He didn't commit murder All Geordie's bullets were blank Set Geordie free, coz Geordie's not guilty He's ...

CHORUS: Victory if Glenda she, had a baby, oooeee, Things were looking gloomy and Glenda she was sad, Kevin had been out with Carol Sands, But Glenda she though...

Here we go again, down to Griefsville, yah I'm sneezing, I'm wheezing, I'm freezing I'm outside with no coat on I turned the lights on, where she'd been She's w...

Oh I can't forget a girl I knew H.O.'s her name, I bet There's no one else to blame For I used to be an easy going man But now I'm the one of the millions That ...

Oh! baby I fancy what do you mean? baby I fancy I know what you mean oooo ee Hanky Panky I'm feeling randy what do you mean? I'm feeling randy I know what you ...

Harry Cross, Harry Cross he's not a lucky bloke he's always blue what can he do now Edna's had a stroke Harry Cross, Harry Cross she's always in his head Now Ed...

Harry's hands are hands of mystery Connected to all calamities Harry's hands are hands of mystery They're accused of all burgiaries Harry's hands ain't what th...

My mates warned me long ago She will make you blue oo oo they said you've been had Untidy tart they told me so the home that I once knew oo oo was a filthy flo...

Oh I can't forget a girl I knew HO's her name, I bet there's no one else to blame for I used to be an easy going man but now I'm the one of the millions that sh...

CHORUS: Victory if Glenda she, had a baby, oooeee, Things were looking gloomy and Glenda she was sad, Kevin had been out with Carol Sands, But Glenda she though...

There's a bloke from Hereford Road who really makes me groan, everyday he's at the door or on the telephone Why can't he just go away and leave me here alone In...

I still can see you face Your smile everyday I wish I was back there To live it out again I can see you Yeah I can see you [Chorus:] I can see you SEE...

there she stood in finos, hippo with high heels on they all said that she goes for the slim and skinny ones like me i swigged six jugs o'stella, and she didn't...

with a candy floss she stood on the sand she looked real good, to me love at first sight, what a drag i fell for a seaside slag, ooee over the hills where the ...

Ooooh, ooooo She's a fibber she's always telling him lies he can't trust her no matter how he tries she swore to me that I would always be the one then she blew...

She looks so diviine & I can't see Why she prefers that nerd to me How come she ain't mine, I wanna be I wish that I could be Ernie 'Ive got the blues, if I co...

Steve is tender Steve is sweet She'll never let him go Steven made her life complete That's why I hate him so Would she ever really understand I came to Durham...

Nobody loves me, nobody cares Nobody invites me to the party - we don't want him there Introverted, we stay Sittin all alone his night is so sad - he ain't got ...

I don't need a doctor, I don't need a drugstore I don't need an injection, I need to put the telly on Got me in a cold sweat, I don't need no cigarette Sh sh s...

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along...

I've got asthma and I can not breath Can't breath at all! I've got an inhaler with me I am choking and my face is blue Blue and it's getting worse! I think I wi...

T was only yesterday that we arrived in Palma Ever since then our love life has been a farce Pursued and wooed by that Sun tanned Majorca charmer Now she thinks...

Guess who's working on the fiddle tell me who works on the fiddle I'll tell you who works on the fiddle oooo ooo Idle gossip guess who's just come off the pill ...

[If You're In A Pop Group You'll End Up Paying A Fortune Practicing At Peter Practice's Practice Place] Give'z the money Peter Practice says to us Give'z the m...

Give'z the money Peter Practice says to us Give'z the money quickly don't make a fuss Give'z the money Pete takes the pop groups he'll even take the trash But i...

"I'm so glad" he tells me and you, "It's so sad" we know it ain't true: Oooh, in Tommy's head He told me, "I'm head over heels," a phoney We know what he feels,...

Bored at a party Saturday night looking at Tupperware, in came a chick who made me quickly glad I was th there, how could I get the courage to ask her for a dat...

Looking at her reflection, Ivy thought, I'll shock Don When I get my face lift, when I get my face lift done, You'll see, Don is gonna want to snog with me But...

My name is Bond! James Bond James Bond lives down our street I've seen him he catches the 32 bus James Bond lives down our street sometimes he sits on the back ...

tell her what you done, she's done too, you bet tell her who you've seen, she'll tell you she's met tell her where ya been, she'll o'been, she'll o'been truly s...

Keith works every night & day Honesty's his goal But Keith's a thief coz he's Still claiming dole What a fiddler Keith is He thinks he won't be caught But Keith...

Lookin' out a dirty old window, down below the cars in the city go rushing by We sit here with no dosh and wonder why? Should we catch the bus to Newcastle, we ...

Wouldn't it be nice to get on with my neighbours But they make it very clear they've got no room for ravers [Chorus:] Lazy sunday afternoon I got no time to w...

Yeahhhhhh: Under Under Starters Under Starters orders & there off Tallyho! 4-1 3-1 2-1 The bettin's on, LESTER NICKS OFF TO RIO He got more, got more than he ba...

She's in to Superstition, black cats & voodoo dolls I feel a preminition, that girl's gonna make make me fall She's in to new sensations, new kicks in candle li...

A thousand streets of 2 bedroom semis We always dreamed that we,d have one o'these Oh what a pity they were built by Wimpey's That common lot drove us round th...

Nobby was a soldier, a life in the Army Margarets back home alone waiting suspiciously She can't hide the misery, the upset & despair When she found out Nobby h...

If you hoo hoo want a lesson or two, take a hint you'll pay a mint at Modern School, Modern School, they always say you are doing okay, it's not true [Chorus:]...

I gets me a night cap She says gee, I feel crap I shouts Oi! whats up? Ya stink, I think yer drinkin too much She's gone, Yippee! I turn on, the TV But there's...

God help me what can I do, My girlfriend's dad is a Vicar boo hoo and he won't let me be alone with you Oh, he's a Vicar and there is nothing I can do God hel...

God help me what can I do, My girlfriend's dad is a Vicar boo hoo, And he won't let me be alone with you, Oh he's a Vicar and there's nothing I can do God help ...

I couldn't wait for my blind date, I did not sleep that night Could I catch the perfect match, would she be Mrs Right!? A quiet lass so middle class, dignified,...

To Bombay A travelling circus came They brought an intelegent elephant and Nellie was her name One dark night she slipt her iron chain, and off she ran to Hindu...

To Bombay a travelling circus came, they brought an Inteligent elephant and Nellie was her name One dark night she slipped her iron chain And off she ran to Hin...

To Bombay A travelling circus came They brought an intelegent elephant And Nellie was her name One dark night She slipt her iron chain, and of she ran To Hindu...

We all believed that Neville was a f f f fine lad but when we go to know him better Neville drove us mad Neville is a bighead Neville is a pain Neville is a pra...

rod could not live with or live without you you were rodney's life and his worst fear for the day that no one cared about you rod died a penniless puppeteer no...

RIDIN' ALONG IN MY AUTOMOBILE MY BABY BESIDE ME AT THE WHEEL I STOLE A KISS AT THE TURN OF A MILE MY CURIOSITY RUNNIN' WILD CRUSIN' N' PLAYIN' THE RADIO O O WIT...

If you can't afford to spend a lot and you're sick of the cost of livin, you've got to do something but you dunno what, just look what Fine Fare's givin, prices...

I think I'll ring Kendra (ring, ring) Hello, It's Olga Can I speak to Kendra please? Just hold on a minute pet Kendra? Olga's on the phone Do you want to speak ...