This is my New Year's resolution:
When my mother-in-law begins to yell and shout
Through the window I would like to throw her out
But I resolve not to do it, here is why:
I'm afraid of hitting someone passing by
This is my New Year's resolution

When I'm at the movies watching a love seen
And a lady's hat is blocking half the screen
I resolve not to shout, "Take off that hat!"
I'll remove it gently with a baseball bat
This is my New Year's Resolution

When I take a lovely lady out to eat
And she orders caviar instead of meat
I resolve to let the lady have her fill
And of course I'll also let her pay the bill
This is my New Year's Resolution

When I'm sitting with my wifey on a bus
And a dear old lady stands in front of us
I resolve to be a gentleman discreet
I'll politely offer her my wifey's seat
This is my New Year's Resolution

When my mother says, "Come in, it's time to eat"
And I keep on playing games out in the street
I resolve to rush right home now when I'm called
Cause my pop just got a hairbrush and he's bald
This is my New Year's Resolution

On the radio this year I hope to score
With some funny jokes you've never heard before
I resolve not to tell a corny joke
Hello, what's that? The church burned down? Holy smoke!
This is my New Year's Resolution

In this coming year I'm going to be discreet
Have the Slicker's playing music soft and sweet
I resolve to treat Tchaikovsky tenderly
And set his second movement with TNT
This is my New Year's Resolution