Hello muddah, hello faddah,
Here I am at Camp Granada
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining!

I went hiking with Joe Spivey,
He developed poison ivy
You remember Lennard Skinard,
He got ptomain poisoning last night after dinner!

All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators!
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called 'Ulysses'

No, I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunkmate has malaria!
You remember Jeffrey Hardy,
They're about to organize a searching party!

Take me home, oh muddah, faddah
Take me home, I hate Granada
Don't leave me out in the forest,
Where I might get eaten by a bear!

Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys
Oh please don't make me stay;
I've been here one whole day!

Dearest faddah, darling muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah?
Let me come home if you miss me;
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me!

Wait a minute; it stopped hailing
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing
Playing baseball, gee that's better
Muddah, faddah, kindly disregard this letter!