Baby i wanna tell you all my hopes and dreams and fears But i'm watching television, could you get me another beer There's wrestling and pro football on, i hope...

Umm, so this is a song about newfoundland and we wrote it about the place names and all you have to know is that all the place names in this song are real place...

And here's a letter from Bill Macy of Gainesville, Florida It appears to me that Gainsville Sun is withholding information from the public Recently, there was a...

I used to talk about politics, politics, politics, I used to talk about politics but I don't anymore I used to talk about communism, socialism, capitalism I use...

Every rock band has this guy Not many people really know why He's got a cell phone and a backstage pass He's got a big gut and a big fat ass He's the Big, Fat ...

I'm a shark, I'm a shark, A killer of the ocean, I'm a shark, I'm a shark, And silently I strike I'm a shark, I'm a shark, I'm dumber than a tree, I only have t...

There are many wonders in the USA The cities and the people, and Disney World, hooray! But coming back to Canada with joy the heart does ooze 'Cause when you ge...

You know something girl? I'm thinking about you right now You don't want to know what I'm thinking, girl Or or do you? Girl, you think I'm the bomb, But I'm ol...

When i look around me, I can't believe what i see It seems as if this country Has lost its will to live The economy is lousy, We barely have an army But we can ...

I bought me an auto An '81 Ford Escort Wagon Now the fan it be broke And the tail-pipe it be draggin' I feel like a schlemiel My mechanic's fit for hangin' I g...

Listen up brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail Vegetables live in oppresion, serv...

I think I've got a crush on Celine Dion The way she beats her chest when she sings a love song There's something about her makes me want to feed her And I'd lov...

Christmas is here, where did the time go? Got to load up the reindeer, put on my red suit and go I use to like Christmas, but every year it gets worse Gettin' g...

It's Christmas in Ignace Mommy's got a rock She'll give it to Daddy It's Christmas in Ignace (It's Christmas in Ignace) It's Christmas in Ignace Daddy's got a r...

Christmas is almost here Christmas is almost here Christmas is almost here Aaahhhggggrrr! It's just five days till Christmas, I haven't done a thing Don't even...

Hey kid, why the long face Is it cuz santa clause is flying right over your place You've been a bad kid all year So quit you snivellin' sucker now and mop up th...

It's the festive season There's singing and shopping and joy Santa's talking to children The elves are wrapping toys The season's one of charity Of peace for al...

Dad threw up on christmas day He puked right on the serving tray The stuffing's come right out of daddy dear Now everybody's christmas vacation Will be filled w...

Darling for you I think of what I'd so To keep you safe and sound I would climb the highest mountain I would swim the widest sea I would wrestle a gorilla to th...

Watchin' television one afternoon Lookin' for a movie or a good cartoon Stopped by a station's commercial break When suddenly I'm faced with a heartache The wom...

I once had a dog named Bob And Bob's a funny name for a dog If you're gonna get a dog, don't name him Bob My neighbour's name is also Bob And every time I call ...

George Washington was the president But now he's dead (dead) Mackenzie King was Prime Minister But now he's dead (dead) So don't go into politics You'll end up...

Drink with me! Drink with me! Drink with me! Drink with me I'm startin' to see double, and I just fell of my stool! I'm sluring all my words and I'm covered in...

(talking) Uh, this next song was actually inspired by a review that we got when we played the Edmonton Fringe Festivile we thought that it was a rather unique r...

I came to town in the heat A lonely man with tired feet Covered heat to toe in perspiration Then you caught me unaware Body so sleek I had to stare And me a man...

It's great to be a nerd, It's great to be a nerd The only light we ever see is from our moniter We argue about comic books and Internet connections The biggest...

I used to go to all the parties And make love to all the beautiful ladies And I'd eat cheeseburgers with with bacon and extra grease when I was hungry And drink...

When I'm dead put my head in the freezer Right beside the corn and the peas I may be dead but I am not deceased, dear One day science will re-animate me Oh I he...

I love you so much I need the Heimlich Maneuver The sun goes down on another day A day where I haven't found love I try to eat, but all I taste is the flavor o...

Scott became famous for freezing to death in Antarctica Columbus made history thinking some island was India General Custer's a national hero for not knowing wh...

From the deepest, darkest depths ofWHITBY! Comes this sordid tale of speed Murderous mayhem Cataclysmic combustion Picturesque powered pistons Accellerating aut...

Everybody loves hot dogs Even pasty Hippies 'Casue its hard to beat a tube of meat But now a question hits me What the hell's in A hotdog I shouldn't ask maybe ...

I am Cow, hear me moo I weigh twice as much as you And I look good on the barbecue Yogurt, curd, cream cheese and butter's Made from liquid from my udders I am ...

I am not American, Though I live in North America Which is part of the Americas Which should make me an American Geographically Canadians, Are certainly America...

I pulled my groin It's the very best injury Though I'm walking daintily I pulled my groin I pulled my groin When people ask, "It hurts you where?" I say "Put yo...

I remember back when I was still in school, These bullies always picked on me, they called me a fool They knocked me on the ground! (OH! ) They rubbed dog poop ...

I spend my days watching TV with a beer (Oooh-aah, you're fat) It seems to cause my ample belly to appear (Oooh-ahh, you're fat) Then one day my woman went and ...

Im the only gay eskimo Im the only one i know Im the only gay eskimo in my tribe I go out seal hunting with my best friend tarka But all i wanna do is get into...

All towns have a place Where decent drivers are not safe Where traffic law is touch and go Where the posted limit does not bind And half the drivers seem to bli...

*talking* Hello and welcome to Live Bait, I'm sure you'll enjoy this unique blend of music and comedy and feel you've received ample satisfaction from this rec...

*talking* Hello and welcome to Live Bait, I'm sure you'll enjoy this unique blend of music and comedy and feel you've received ample satisfaction from this rec...

Oh, johnny was a tall man but his memory was short He'd forget to at doorways and often he'd get hurt I took good care of him for he had no family Actually he d...

I once was a happy man Of sound and stable mind Then my neighbour got a dog He put a ribbon on its head To make it cute But it still looked like A chihuahua He...

About six months ago someone came by with a petition Said "we want to stop these folks moving in next door" I refused to sign it, told them everyone was welcome...

One, two, three, four Woudn't it be great if everybody had a gun Woudn't it be great if everybody had a gun There'd be no more crime, 'cause everybody'd have a...

Well grab your shoes, and grab your balls And lets head to those heavenly halls Sit on down and grab a beer Because bowling time is pretty near Tortured men for...

The life of the artist may seem like fun to you That's cause you don't know the hell that we go through Waking up at noon working an hour every day And every no...

You double-clicked my heart You've upgraded my life You booted up my hard drive Please be my cyber-wife You've logged into my soul You've downloaded my dreams L...

I met you in biology in high school You told me after college we'd be wed You were my favorite lab partner Till you ran off with that brilliant young pre-med M...

The lord above, Sent his only son To spread the word of god To everyone Jesus cured the lepers And he healed the lame But he left the bald men With their pain ...

Billy solve his problems with by calling up his mom Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law But ...

Me work hard 5 days a week Sweeping garbage from the street Come home not want book to read Not 'nuff pictures for me see Sit right down in favourite chair Wear...

On the Mounted Animal Nature Trail, you'll be sure to see All Mother Nature's favourite pets, all sitting rigidly They're never hungry any more, their last meal...

Mrs Catto gets up at eight When she hears her budgie She puts her glasses on her face So she can see her budgie She reads the horoscopes out loud She reads the...

Last night when i went to bed With tangled hair upon my head In every way i really was a kid It happened without warning When i woke up in the morning I can't t...

Our love is like a new car smell Sooner or later it all goes to hell Somebody farts or spills some taco bell Our love is like a new car smell Our love is like a...

(alternate person #1 and 2) (static) 1:This week! 2:This week only! 1:No money down! 2:No payments 'till Spring! 1:No payments in Spring! 2:No payments in Summe...

This week! This week only! No money down! No payments till Spring! No payments in Spring! No payments in Summer! No payments ever! When? This week! This week on...

Open my eyes, what a beautiful day Just the type that makes me want to say hooray I'm still a little fuzzy-headed from my sleep Into my brain reality seeps Look...

Well my baby came at me with a 2x4 So I fought her off with sandpaper It was 60 grit, it was really rough And it made a lot of sawdust But we patched things up ...

I'm proud to be a banker I'm proud to be a banker I'm proud to be a banker 'Cause I get to play with other people's money I'm having a lousy day I burned my to...

Our fair country Canada Is north of the USA Our Maritimes are lovely And our prairies give us hay You might think you Yankees Are better than us Canucks But we ...

It's the most frightening thing in the world It's the scariest sight I've ever seen The most chilling visual The most terrifying scene It's awful, it's crappy, ...

Hi kids! welcome to the uncle bobo show! are you ready to sing? come on, let's go! Billy and his family Went on a holiday They went down to florida To laugh and...

My countrys bigger than most And if asked I boast Cause Im really proud So I shout it loud Though our numbers are few We will welcome you Although we don't hav...

Who's the guy with all the tests? He's Sam, the guy from "Quincy"! A white lab jacket, a hypodermic Sam, the guy from "Quincy"! He doesn't care if you're alive ...

There won't be any presents this Christmas No goodies in your stocking The milk and cookies that the children left out Will be left untouched beside the sink Th...

Ohhhh Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass He's gonna kick your ass He's gonna kick your ass Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass 'Cause you've al...

Let me tell you a story about scary Ned Scariest guy to ever wet a bed He had hands on his arms and eyes on his head But they weren't his He'd go down to the m...

As a little boy I dreamed of playing Rock and Roll Playing in stadiums with every ticket sold Seven figure income from a six string guitar Dating gorgeous women...

I have been since seventeen a shipwreck balladeer Tragedy and misery are what makes my career Watery graves are my stock and trade, but it's getting harder For ...

There's a tune inside my head that makes me wish that I were dead It keeps on going on and on and I don't even like this song I don't know where I heard it firs...

Can't think of anything to sing about Not much out there to sing about The world's okay, the weather's fine No need to sing about that I'll sing about Sponges...

When I joined a band I thought my life was pretty cool We'd stay in hotels with room service and pools Sign body parts for fans Check into rehab and smash up th...

Special guest vocalist, Mike's dad: Bob McCormick (Mike's dad appears courtesy of Mike's mom) There once was a time when the country was wide A time before car...

There was an old farmer Who lived on a rock He sat in the meadow Just shaking his Fist at some boys Who were down by the crick Their feet in the water Their ha...

I'm out on the range, surveying the land Thinking of the job that's to be done My life is hard but I don't mind Men like me, that's how the west was won I stand...

between the icecaps of the North Pole, and the space of America, there's a country in the middle, known as Canada where the natives all are happy, and the lakes...

Often on the weekend I'll jump in my car I'll not fill up the tank although I'm going far And if somebody asks me if I'm going to a bar I'll say I'm shopping 'c...

The table's set ant the turkey's out Christmas is here, let out a shout The family's gathered all about Christmas, Christmas is here! Everyone is wearing big sm...

Young Derrick would love to take my order He works at the coffee place just up the street He's happy and annoying with a smirk the size of Texas He's my coffee ...

Best things in life are not free But you don't need to have money To get the things that you want to own You just have to get a loan When you buy, small or larg...

It's early in the morning, way before dawn I down a cup of coffee, put my lucky hat on Get down to the water before all the crowds Gonna have more fun than the ...

Through the ages, through war, pestilence and sleet, the Celtic culture has survived, it's songs and dances passed from father to son, from mother to daughter, ...

Gonna go out and play some golf ya, ya Gonna go out and play some golf My golf bag's full of the latest stuff I'm gonna go out and play some golf My putter alon...

Once a year we celebrate With stupid hats and plastic plates The fact that you were able to make A trip around the sun And the whole gang gathers round With gi...

Me work hard five days a week Sweeping garbage from the street Come home not want book to read Not 'nuff pictures for me see Sit right down in favourite chair W...

I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine I had a little stretch of land along the CP Line But times were hard, and though I tried, the money wasn't there ...

When you hear that I'm a cowboy and I work the cattle trail You probably assume I'm big and tough (big and tough) But the trail's worn me down, I don't wanna ha...

If you believe in Darwin's theory I'm not saying you have to but it's an interesting theory Darwin said we all evolve from monkeys If his theory is accurate and...

When I was a kid I wanted to grow up and be cop in a province town or county I thought it would be great if someday I could only ever be a mountie I wanted to b...

Christmas makes me realize how greatly things do change Friends lose touch, people age, and family moves away But it is what had stayed the same that gives me t...

A Scotsman clad in kilts, left the bar one evening fair And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share He staggered on until he could no lon...

I hate the skydome and the CN tower too, I hate Nathan Phillip's square and the Ontario Zoo, The rent's too high, the air's unclean, The beaches are dirty and t...

Come back proud canadian's, To before you had TV No hockey night in canada, There was no CBC In 1812 madison was mad, He was the president you know Well he tho...

I bought a ticket to Austrailia, for my holidays, Got my boarding pass, found out at last, That I was seated in the middle of the row The buisness man beside me...

When Christmas rolls around Santa's in his shop Managing his elves and trying to cut costs His plant is out of date, it needs modernization He has quite a large...

We had a love that was so bright I used to dream of her each night And rush to her side every morning (Whoooo!) I had her all to myself We never noticed anyone ...

Oh my darling I sure loved that meal Though I could still taste the pig squeal Now Im weak and losing focus I think you gave me trichinosis Trichinosis is littl...

There's nothing good on the TV (On his trip to Greece) And there's no toga parties(On his trip to Greece) So I see the ruins there(On his trip to Greece) They c...