conceived, choreographed and directed by MICHAEL BENNET
book by JAMES KIRKWOOD and NICHOLAS DANTE
music by MARVIN HAMLISCH
lyrics by EDWARD KLEBAN

FOLLOWS "Montage - Part 4 (Judy (cont), Greg, Richie)"

VAL (speaks)
but after a while I caught on I mean, I saw what they were hiring I also swiped my dance card once after an audition And on a scale of ten, they gave me, for dance: ten; for looks: three Well!
(sings)
Dance: ten; looks: three
And I'm still on unemployment,
dancing for my own enjoyment
That ain't it, kid That ain't it kid
"Dance: ten; looks: three," it's like to die!
Left the theater and called the doctor for my appointment to buy
Tits and ass
Bought myself a fancy pair
Tightened up the derri?re
Ddi the nose with it
All that goes with it
Tits and ass!
Had the bingo-bongos done
Suddenly I'm getting nash'nal tours!
Tits and ass won't get you jobs unless they're yours!
Didn't cost a fortune neither
Didn't hurt my sex life, either

Flat and sassy, I would get the strays and losers
Beggars really can't be chosers
That ain't it, kid That ain't it, kid
Fixed the chassis "How do you do!"
Like turned into an endless medly of "Gee, it had to be you, "
Why
Tits and ass!
Where the cupboard once was bare,
Now you knock and someone's there
You have got 'em, hey
Top to bottom Hey,
It's a gas! Just a dash of silicone
Shake your new maracas and you're fine!
Tits and ass
Can change your life
They sure changed mine!

(VAL walks up and down the line, chest out)

VAL (speaks)
You're all looking at my tits now, aren't you

CONNIE (later)
I wouldn't mind having just one of yours

VAL (speaks)
Well, go out and buy them
(sings)
Have t all done
Honey, take my word
Grab a cab, c'mon See the wizard on Park and Seventy-third
For
Tits and ass
Orchestra and balcony,
What they want is what cha see
Keep the best of you
Do the rest of you
Pits, or class
I have never seen it fail
Debutante or chorus girl or wife
Tits and ass,
Yes,
Tits and ass
Have changed my life