Now listen up you know ya come home from working that nine to five and lay yourself down on burgundy couch, you know, it never really was burgundy

It was red, and you painted with the goddamn sprinkler and now you have bits and pieces of burgundy stuck to your butt every time you get off of it

You never tell your family, you never tell your family because, you know, ol' Junior, he's got no brains, and what can you do? What can you do?

(And old Junior, you know, got a little crazy with that PBJ that one day??)

Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them Cans of swine

Ha ha ha! Yes, Dad's an idiot alright!
Well, alright, I'm really starting to worry about you
You had to have that two-car garage with the large driveway so you could park that goddamn boat in it
If it wasn't for the boat (blah blah blah)

I like Kansas wine

Well, maybe it's something simpler, like your team lost or your girlfriend used to be a guy, you know, I don't know
I mean (blah blah blah)