I Have A Sad Story To Tell You
And It May Hurt Your Feelings A Bit
My Wee Song Is Not Very Pleasant
Cause It's All On The Subject Of...

Shaving Cream, Be Nice And Clean
Shave Ev'ry Day And You'll Allways Look Clean

There Was An Old Woman Lived Near Us
She Died In The Middle Of The Night
And So To Fullfill Her Last Wishes
She Was Burried In Six Foot Of...

My Sister Is Fond Of Her Knitting
She Knits In The Bathroom Each Night
One Time She Dropped All Her Stitches
And The Landed In A Big Pile Of...

When I Was In France In The Army
I Went And I Opened My Kit
I Thought That I Might Have A Sandwich
But The Darned Thing Was Full Up With...

Our Baby Fell Out Of The Window
It's Wee Head It Might Have Been Split
But Our Child It Was Very Lucky
For It Landed In A Big Pile Of...

And Now Friends My Story Is Ended
I May've Hurt Your Feelings A Bit
But If You Did Not Like My Wee Song
Stick Your Head In A Big Pile Of...