It's that time of year for goin' SHOPPING
It's that time of year for seein' GRANDMA
It's that time of year for lying to CHILDREN
That's right, Santa doesn't exist

It's that time of year for hatin' FRUITCAKE
It's that time of year for drinkin' EGG NOG
It's that time of year for bakin' a MINCE PIE
Betcha money by the end of the year you'll be FAT

Toys a plenty and choo-choo trains
Summer sausage and candy canes
Wal-mart santa coin donations
Salvation Army dedications

[Chorus]

Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers hit the malls, and drive the economy
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers do your stuff, and make us all glad to be home!

It's that time of year for hanging STOCKINGS
It's that time of year for GINGERBREAD MEN
It's that time of year for getting a FAKE TREE
Decorate or you're not gonna eat

It's that time of year for watching RE-RUNS
It's that time of year for roasting CHESTNUTS
It's that time of year for opening PRESENTS
Don't forget, better clean up the mess that YOU MADE

Christmas music overplayed
Every minute of every day
Find a present for your mother
Then your dad and then your brother!

[Chorus]

It's that time of year for cheesy SWEATERS
It's that time of years for fuzzy EARMUFFS
It's that time of year for footed PAJAMAS
You know the ones with the hole in the butt

It's that time of year for family DRAMA
It's that time of year for lots of DRUG USE
It's that time of year for having a BREAKDOWN
Holidays are the days that will make you hate life